Some people are good at housekeeping, some are good at sports… I am good at being tardy.
Oh don’t be jealous, I wasn’t born naturally gifted at being tardy; just like any pro athlete, it took me years to perfect this skill. From staying up far too late for sometimes no good reason, to enjoying the warmth of a shower for 15 minutes too long, to just sitting and staring at the wall until all chances of being on time have passed, being a professional tardy person can be a very rewarding, but often challenging, life path.
Many people who don’t understand the specialized skills and years of training behind every pro-tardy are often resentful and jealous of the pro-tardy’s prowess in his or her craft. Due to this gross misunderstanding and ignorance of the pro-tardy’s skill, we professional tardy’s often find ourselves in trouble and at the receiving end of harsh words and critical glances.
Such was the case for me one bright October morning. I was rewarded for my perseverance and dedication to my craft with a pink slip. Although I was very proud of this token of the highest achievement in my field, it occurred to me that this certificate of achievement was actually meant to be a gentle encouragement to forgo my skills and training and behave like the uneducated commoners.
So I took my certificate off the wall and out of its frame and made a little helper man out of it and set out to unlearn everything that I had spent years perfecting.
Too Many Lates was a most eager little fella… a keener teacher of the skills of being on time could not be found anywhere. He would try to wake me up 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, ensure I only stayed in the shower as long as the ‘Time Slaves Guide to Early Birdery’ stated was appropriate, blend my breakfast, try to hustle me out the door with plenty of time to get where I was going, etc. I was a somewhat willing student. As much as any person trying to dumb down their skill set would be I suppose.
Well, over time I noticed that even though I was trying really hard to hide what I knew and not educate Too Many Lates on the ways of my people he started picking up my skills. He started staying up late reading, being at school way too late to expect to wake up at a reasonable hour, dawdling in the mornings, etc. And this at a time when I was really starting to enjoy the slacker lifestyle of ‘early birdery’.
In the mornings I would get up early and work out before trying to get Too Many Lates out of bed but alas, he has become a skilled sleeper. I would roll on out the door while Too Many Lates stood paralyzed completing a mental list of everything he had to do in the next 3 weeks. I would end my day early so I could be in bed early and Too Many Lates would wander in at all kinds of hours after having pulled continuous almost-all-nighters at the school.
My day began to consist of nothing but cooking, cleaning, sleeping, and exercising while Too Many Lates began practicing the art of cramming it all in.
While it’s been nice to be lazy and take a break from my hectic tardy lifestyle for a while, I’m not sure that I’ll stick with it. I’m already starting to miss the challenge and I’m afraid that I will begin to lose the skills it took me so many years to gain.
As for Too Many Lates, I guess we’ll see.
Oh don’t be jealous, I wasn’t born naturally gifted at being tardy; just like any pro athlete, it took me years to perfect this skill. From staying up far too late for sometimes no good reason, to enjoying the warmth of a shower for 15 minutes too long, to just sitting and staring at the wall until all chances of being on time have passed, being a professional tardy person can be a very rewarding, but often challenging, life path.
Many people who don’t understand the specialized skills and years of training behind every pro-tardy are often resentful and jealous of the pro-tardy’s prowess in his or her craft. Due to this gross misunderstanding and ignorance of the pro-tardy’s skill, we professional tardy’s often find ourselves in trouble and at the receiving end of harsh words and critical glances.
Such was the case for me one bright October morning. I was rewarded for my perseverance and dedication to my craft with a pink slip. Although I was very proud of this token of the highest achievement in my field, it occurred to me that this certificate of achievement was actually meant to be a gentle encouragement to forgo my skills and training and behave like the uneducated commoners.
So I took my certificate off the wall and out of its frame and made a little helper man out of it and set out to unlearn everything that I had spent years perfecting.
Too Many Lates was a most eager little fella… a keener teacher of the skills of being on time could not be found anywhere. He would try to wake me up 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, ensure I only stayed in the shower as long as the ‘Time Slaves Guide to Early Birdery’ stated was appropriate, blend my breakfast, try to hustle me out the door with plenty of time to get where I was going, etc. I was a somewhat willing student. As much as any person trying to dumb down their skill set would be I suppose.
Well, over time I noticed that even though I was trying really hard to hide what I knew and not educate Too Many Lates on the ways of my people he started picking up my skills. He started staying up late reading, being at school way too late to expect to wake up at a reasonable hour, dawdling in the mornings, etc. And this at a time when I was really starting to enjoy the slacker lifestyle of ‘early birdery’.
In the mornings I would get up early and work out before trying to get Too Many Lates out of bed but alas, he has become a skilled sleeper. I would roll on out the door while Too Many Lates stood paralyzed completing a mental list of everything he had to do in the next 3 weeks. I would end my day early so I could be in bed early and Too Many Lates would wander in at all kinds of hours after having pulled continuous almost-all-nighters at the school.
My day began to consist of nothing but cooking, cleaning, sleeping, and exercising while Too Many Lates began practicing the art of cramming it all in.
While it’s been nice to be lazy and take a break from my hectic tardy lifestyle for a while, I’m not sure that I’ll stick with it. I’m already starting to miss the challenge and I’m afraid that I will begin to lose the skills it took me so many years to gain.
As for Too Many Lates, I guess we’ll see.